Essence of Self
by Chronicler Alpha
Summary: The Warrior of Light learns the startling truth behind his identity. Rated T for violence.


**Note:** This can be read as a sequel to my story _Escape from Freedom_. Also, this story contains some spoilers from Duodecim as it draws heavily from information given within the reports.

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><p><strong>Essence of Self<strong>

When the war cycle between harmony and discord finally ended with the defeat of Chaos, all the warriors of Cosmos returned to their homes—returned to the journeys they left unfinished. But when the Warrior of Light completed his mission to destroy Chaos in his own world of origin, his life ceased to have meaning. As if aware of the Warrior's internal dilemma, Cosmos appeared before him with a request.

"I wish to embark on a journey," she had said to him. "I have come here to ask that you may accompany me."

The Warrior agreed, reasoning that nothing remained for him in the current world. And so, he set out once more to protect Cosmos and fight for the Light.

The two journeyed far and wide, seeing all walks of life. They fought agents of darkness, demons, and warlords; rescued innocents and rekindled hope in the oppressed masses. In all the time they worked together, the two forged an unbreakable bond of trust and mutual dependence. The Warrior not only shielded Cosmos, but he also consoled her in dark times and reinvigorated her optimism in a bright future whenever a war's outcome looked bleak. In turn, Cosmos fought alongside her warrior. No longer secluding herself to a throne, she utilized her powerful magicks to support him, and shared with him her own emotional strength when his foundered. Above all, the two gave each other purpose in life: one as the promoter of harmony, and the other as its protector.

It is because of this bond of trust that the Warrior never had reason to doubt Cosmos. He wholly believed in her and her cause, laying his life on the line countless times without question. But unbeknownst to him, Cosmos kept a critical piece of information hidden from her knight—one that the Warrior would uncover only when faced with death.

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><p>On a nameless battlefield in a desolate city where demons hid beneath the rubble and devils whispered from the shadows, Cosmos led her charge against the Darkness as she had done numerous times in the past. With the Warrior of Light spearheading the charge, soldiers fighting for the Light clashed with the army spawned from hellfire. As the battle waged on, both sides saw many casualties until the Light's chief foe took it upon himself to slay Cosmos.<p>

Born from the magma culminating under the cracked concrete, the demon king flew out in a geyser of lava with his flaming eyes set on the goddess of harmony. The two powers met head-on, and their collision forced the world to shutter in a fit of violent earthquakes and hurricanes. A tornado soon ravaged the city, sucking up fighters on both sides into its vortex and spitting them out as corpses. Another round of fissures followed and remnants of skyscrapers crashed to the ground to crush still more soldiers. When crimson lightning streaked across the black sky, the Warrior ceased slashing through the grunts and ran to find Cosmos. Mobs of demons threw themselves at him to bar his path, but he made short work of them.

Three more bolts of lightning struck as the Warrior hurdled himself past a collapsing building and stumbled across a quaking, uneven sidewalk. The first bolt landed in the pool of lava in the city's center; it hastened the lava's flow to flood the streets in full and consume any who did not scramble to reach higher ground. The second bolt fired towards Cosmos; she deflected it towards the still-raging tornado, causing an explosion that set it aflame and increased its velocity.

The third bolt, however, had the most damaging effect. It struck the demon king himself and enhanced his power tenfold. He lunged himself towards Cosmos too fast for her to react and slammed her through a series of buildings. It didn't take long for Cosmos to bound to her feet and erect a magical barrier to dampen her foe's vicious onslaught. Yet despite her efforts, she could do little to resist the new surge of power coursing throughout his scaly body.

At first, the demon king toyed with the goddess. He smacked her around and guffawed at her pitiful attempts to retaliate. All the while, Cosmos conjured every spell she knew until soon, she found herself exhausted of options—all save for one. She knew of one technique guaranteed to destroy the would-be god, but it required a good length of time to prepare. With lava rushing up from the ground, hurricanes ravaging the atmosphere, and ethereal lightning fortifying the skies, Cosmos found herself backed into a corner with no other choice but to attempt using her trump card.

Of course, by this time, her foe grew bored with the mundane ritual of throwing around a dainty lady whose dress always shined pure white no matter where she landed. Without warning, the demon king flew straight at Cosmos, ramming his head into hers and then followed up with a swift kick to her abdomen. The goddess of harmony fell to her knees, while the demon king roared with laughter as he conjured his own deadly spell. A blood-red orb punctured out from his chest and shined brighter and brighter until an energy beam fired from it.

Everything went white. All sight and sound faded into nothingness for that one brief moment when the energy beam exploded upon impact. When equilibrium was restored, the demon king fell silent in his laughter as his eyes met those of the Warrior's. Clutching his melting shield with both hands, the Warrior of Light had thrown himself in front of Cosmos to absorb the blast.

"Are you all right, Cosmos?" asked the Warrior.

"Distract him," she whispered in response, and without delay, her knight tossed aside his warped and twisted shield, and lunged himself forward with his sword at the ready.

Enraged that a puny mortal in armor thwarted his grand attack, the demon king held nothing back as he faced off with the Warrior of Light. He evaded the Warrior's advances with ease and then retaliated by pummeling the man into the ground. Sparing no mercy, the demon king unleashed a relentless assault of fire-imbued punches and kicks. Sharp claws sheared clean through the Warrior's breastplate, and he screamed in agony as his flesh caught fire. But regardless of the brutal beating, he would not relinquish his sword. The Warrior clutched onto his blade even when enduring the claws puncturing through his helmet as the demon king repeatedly pounded the Warrior's skull into the wall. He refused to relent, and waited for an opportune moment to strike.

When the demon king broke the wall with the Warrior's head, he threw the bloodied and battered man into the concrete floor where he stomped on his back. The breastplate did nothing to cushion the impact of each ferocious blow. Pain filled the Warrior's mind; he thought of nothing but pain. _Nothing_. Even his whole reason for being there blurred out of existence as he sustained each successive, bone-shattering hit.

It was a dizzying feeling that spun around his head. For the first time, nothing occupied his mind save for nothingness and pain. What was he without the pain? _Who_ was he? He didn't know or remember, but he wanted to. A desire to know grew larger and larger inside of him, spinning his mind around in wild, vertigo-inducing circles. He expelled blood and stomach acid from his mouth—not just from the beatings, but from the vertigo as well. No matter how strong the temptation, he couldn't let go; he couldn't give into that whirlwind of pain. He wanted to hold on, and so he fought to do so. Not with the demon king, but rather, he fought with himself. With every blow, he could feel himself slipping farther and farther away, and without at least some resistance, he would lose himself forever.

The demon king howled with impatience. The puny mortal wouldn't die despite the gross abuse and thrashings. What's more, the damned little man wouldn't let go of his toothpick of a sword! With a mighty roar, the demon king sliced clean through the Warrior's main arm and severed it from his torso, tossing it away sword and all. Deaf to his own screams, the fatally wounded knight howled in agonizing pain as he drained of life force. The demon king relished in such screams and as he kicked the Warrior face-up and took aim with his blood-red orb.

The Warrior stared at the cracked ceiling with glazed eyes. All he could see was darkness; all he could feel was pain. But in his ears, he could hear the faint chanting of a familiar voice. It comforted him, and for at least one moment, he ceased to focus on the pain and focused instead on the warming voice before he lost focus altogether and drifted off into nothingness.

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><p>Is it strange for a man with no history—no past of which to speak of, no name to call his own, no home or family—to devote his life to serving the Light? What motivates him to do so? Why risk life and limb to fight in an endless war? Light can never reign supreme, and neither can Darkness. One cannot exist without the other; one can never outshine or overshadow the other. There is a delicate balance that must be maintained between the two, but why would a man with nothing sacrifice everything to serve as an instrument for balance?<p>

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><p>The Warrior of Light opened his eyes to see himself lying bedridden in a room bathed in sunlight. The open window next to him let in a fresh breeze, and a small flock of birds nestled in the trees chirped for him a cheerful melody. It took a moment for the Warrior to regain his memory, but when he did, he jumped out of the bed without another thought. He feared for Cosmos' wellbeing and made to find her. However, when his feet touched the ground, his knees gave weigh and the Warrior collapsed.<p>

As he pushed himself up with both hands, a startling discovery forced him back to the ground. At first he believed himself delusional, but he could not avoid the sight indefinitely. The Warrior eased himself onto his back and lifted his right arm into the air where it shined in the sunlight. No longer covered in flesh, his entire arm retained a crystal-like attribute with a bluish hue.

"What _is_ this?" he exclaimed in horror. Now dizzy, the Warrior allowed his arm to fall and he cringed at the clank it made upon coming in contact with the tiled floor. He craned his neck up to examine the rest of his body, and to his horror, saw patches of crystal peering all along his bare torso from beneath the bandages. The door opened then, and the Warrior shot his gaze towards the approaching footsteps. "Cosmos…!"

"You should be in bed," said the goddess as she kneeled beside her warrior, unfazed by his crystallized limb. "You need more rest in order to fully recover." She offered him her hand, but he made no motion to take it. "Why?"

"I am tainted, goddess," replied the sullen Warrior. "The demon's venom must be coursing through my veins as we speak. It is best for you to leave me."

Although her sadness lifted much since the long wars with Chaos, Cosmos could not avoid succumbing to grief. Her countenance became heavily weighed by melancholy as she gazed at her injured warrior before closing her eyes. With a shake of her head, the goddess dismissed the Warrior's fears. "That is not so."

"Truly?" the Warrior said with some relief. "Then what ailment is this?"

"It will heal with time. You need to rest." Cosmos offered her hand again, and this time, the Warrior took it. She helped him to his feet and caught him just before his knees could buckle again. To support him, Cosmos wrapped one arm around his shoulders while pressing her free hand to his crystal abdomen and slowly led him back to the bed.

"What has become of the fight?" the Warrior asked before his head touched the pillow.

Cosmos pulled the bed sheets up to cover her knight. "Always thinking of the mission, even before your health."

"The mission is what justifies these wounds."

"You needn't worry about such things now. Rest."

"Did you defeat him?"

"Yes. Now rest."

"What is our next destination?"

"We will remain in this world until you have healed."

The Warrior pulled his crystallized arm out from under the covers and held it up for Cosmos to see. "What is the nature of these peculiar wounds? How long until they are flesh once more?"

However, Cosmos didn't offer an immediate answer. Instead, she walked to the other side of the bed and gazed out the window. A long moment passed and the Warrior watched the goddess with careful eyes, sensing something was amiss. Cosmos only grew quiet and distant when occupied with a dilemma. But before he could inquire into her worries, the goddess spoke.

"It has been many years since you were first summoned to fight for me," she stated in a way the Warrior found odd. "Since then, you have but left my side only once in order to defeat Chaos in a final battle."

"Forgive me, Cosmos; but what are you trying to say?"

Cosmos lowered her head away from the window, and turned to look at the Warrior. "In all this time, you never once questioned your origins."

"My…origins?" the Warrior repeated in confusion, not expecting the turn in conversation.

"You know I possess divine wisdom—that my powers allow me to see across the expanse of infinity. Yet despite this, you have never once asked of me to divulge your true name or to restore your lost memories. Why?"

The Warrior thought for a moment before answering. "What you say is true; I do not have recollection of my past prior to serving under you during the war. I know neither the name given to me, nor the location of my birthplace. If I have living kin, I do not know them; and if I have a home, it waits in vain for my return. When you summoned me, Cosmos, I was a nameless man with nothing but the knowledge of warfare ingrained into every fiber of his being."

"Have you no curiosity?"

"I did; long ago. However, when I was summoned next by the king of Cornelia to save the princess and embark on a journey to slay Chaos, my feelings towards the subject waned. My comrades and I scoured all corners of the globe to hunt down the Four Fiends, and in so doing, I came to accept the permanence of my amnesia. I recognized no one, and was recognized by no one in turn. No city, town, or village served as home to me. There was nothing in that world for me, and that is also why I willingly left it behind to follow you once more. Whoever I was prior to serving you, I am that man no longer. I am now and forever your _Warrior of Light_."

Cosmos closed her eyes and lowered her head away from the window. After a pause, she turned to face the Warrior. A deep sadness reflected in her eyes and it pained the Warrior to see her so distraught. He didn't understand her pain, and therefore knew no way to console her.

"But why speak of these matters now?" he asked. "Such trivial things should not trouble you, Cosmos."

"You know of Cid, do you not?"

Again the Warrior found the change in subject strange. He answered just to see where it would lead him. "Yes, you've mentioned him. He was the overambitious scientist who made a pact with the dragon god and began the conflict between harmony and discord."

"There is…more to the story."

The Warrior listened while Cosmos recounted the tale of the Lufenian scientist Cid and what befell his family. Great tragedies befell that man as he watched his world crumbled around him. The government took away his adopted son and forced him into the army as a tool for mass destruction. When Cid's wife tried to rescue their son, she was shot dead. In the meantime, Cid was imprisoned for treason while his son continued to destroy Lufenia's enemies. Eventually, Cid found means of escape via the Rift and took his son with him. It was there he found the sleeping dragon Shinryu and struck the bargain that began the wars.

"Both distraught and grief-stricken, Cid swore revenge on the ones who destroyed his family," said Cosmos. "It is from this sorrow, that the wars were born. Chaos and I were made to fight so that Shinryu could feed off the accumulated discord."

"Yes, I've managed to reach that conclusion," the Warrior concurred. "Though I still do not see the point of this discussion. This is all well in the past now."

Cosmos did not comment, but continued along her train of thought. "Before warriors were summoned to the field from other worlds, Cid attempted to create his own fighters using the world's natural ore deposits and the free-floating memories of warriors accumulated within the world's inter-dimensional space."

"You are referring to the manikins?"

Cosmos nodded. "All of his attempts at creating a perfect replica failed save for _one_. Cid was able to create the perfect manikin in that it did not transform into a crystal puppet with no will of its own. However, he could not successfully transfer memories into the body. The manikin thus remained incomplete, but was sent to fight in the war regardless."

The Warrior's eyes went wide with realization. "Surely you're not suggesting that I…"

"You," the goddess said slowly, her voice soft and fragile, "are that manikin, Warrior." It pained her to look at him as she confessed the one secret she withheld from her truest friend and ally since his birth.

Silence befell the room and the Warrior had long taken his gaze away from Cosmos. He instead stared in wonder at the sparkling crystal that composed his right arm. In it he could see reflected the many pawns of Chaos he felled—pawns who resembled both himself and his allies, but were void of any will. The manikins were all blank puppets made for easily manipulated tools of war.

"Who was the original?" he suddenly asked.

"In exchange for Shinryu's powers, Cid offered his mortal body as payment. The manikin he sought to create was to serve as his new vessel."

"I see…" The Warrior closed his eyes and leaned further back into his pillows. "Will my flesh return?"

"I can only pray that it may with rest."

The Warrior hummed in agreement and said no more. Some time passed, and the goddess soon turned to leave her knight in peace. But when he heard her retreating footsteps, the Warrior opened his eyes and called out to her.

"You should rest," she insisted.

"And I shall, but I wish to speak my mind first. It is my right."

"Speak then, and I shall listen." Cosmos returned to her knight's bedside and sat in the chair pressed against the nearby wall.

"First, I wish for you to know that I do not fault you for withholding this information," said the Warrior. "It is difficult to divulge, and equally difficult to gauge potential consequences that may arise once the knowledge is shared."

The goddess shook her head. "I have caused you pain, Warrior. It is also in your right to hold me accountable for my silence."

"In truth, Cosmos, the only pain you have brought is pain unto yourself. Your grief and guilt are evident; you could never conceal your feelings from me."

"It is as you say; I feel the weight of a terrible guilt."

"It is unnecessary."

"I withheld your truth."

"Although it is a truth, it is not a defining factor in my life," the Warrior stated. "Even in accepting my origins as a manikin, I will not deny or reject my existence as a man. I have bled as all men bleed, and I have wept as all men weep. My sword is not merely a tool of war; I do not wield it because of a master's command. I wield my sword to honor and defend your vision, Cosmos, because it is a vision we both share. Manikins have no such beliefs or desires; they exist only to obey and have no will to call their own. To say I am a manikin simply because my flesh is now crystal is to tarnish the very essence of what it means to be human."

Although she knew him to be calm and collected when faced with most hardships, Cosmos did not expect he would deal with his own personal truth in an equal fashion—especially when confronted with such striking revelations. But as she listened to him reason through his feelings, she could feel the Warrior's inner peace and it relieved her tension.

"Then this new information has not shaken your resolve?" she asked, bringing forth the final heavy chain bound around her heart for the Warrior to destroy.

"I know not of this 'Cid' save for what you have told me of his life," said the Warrior. "And although he wished to make me his vessel, he did not succeed. I hold no memories other than the ones I have created for myself. Therefore, I am not Cid; I am only the Warrior of Light. I neither have the wish nor the desire to be anyone but who I am, and I am a man devoted to serving the Light. That is my will."

In that moment, Cosmos smiled. "It comforts me to hear your words. Your resolve is inspiring. Had I but your strength, perhaps I would have accepted my own truths sooner." The Warrior looked at her for clarification. "There is one final truth I have kept hidden from you—_my truth_."

"Cosmos…?"

No longer smiling, Cosmos clenched her hands together in her lap before speaking again. "I, too, am a manikin."

"But you are a goddess!"

Cosmos shook her head. "I was imbued with cosmic powers by Shinryu at the start of the conflict."

"I see." The Warrior let his eyes fall as he pondered his next response.

"I was created in the image of Cid's wife," she continued. "After she was killed, their son rebelled against the army. The Lufenian scientists created me and I was given her memories so that I might control their weapon. When Cid learned of their actions, it infuriated him all the more. I escaped into the Rift with him and his son, and was subsequently forced into the role as Goddess of Harmony."

The Warrior remained quiet for some time, but eventually posed a question. "Did Cid survive the conflict?"

"He still lives, yes. Upon the conflict's end, the world fell into ruin without discord to balance out harmony's reign. Cid left to embark on a new journey—a peaceful one."

"Forgive me for asking, but you were born with a full set of memories, were you not?"

"Yes."

"Have you not…wished to act upon them?"

"Explain your meaning."

"Cosmos, I have nothing in my life aside from my sword and sworn mission to serve you. But you have memories of a home and family."

"You wonder why I have chosen to remain a goddess?"

"Why did you not stay with your…with Cid?"

"Cid asked me to join him in his travels, but I refused," said the goddess, free of any remorse and regret. "It is true I hold the memories of his wife, but at the same time, I am not his wife. I do not love him as she did; though I do not fault him or harbor him any ill will, either. I was created as a tool for manipulation, but I became the embodiment of harmony. It is my desire to continue fulfilling my role as goddess, for that is where my path has led me. I draw satisfaction from fighting against agents of darkness much as you do, and it is because of this that I have chosen instead to journey with you."

"Is that the only reason?" the Warrior ventured to ask.

"What are you implying?"

"I am not Cid with amnesia."

"Nor am I Cid's wife risen from the grave."

The Warrior smiled.

"You must rest now," Cosmos said as she stood from the chair. "We can speak more on this subject later should you desire it." She walked over to the open window and watched as the sun set on another day. After closing the window, she turned for the door but the Warrior's gentle hand took hold of hers.

"Thank you," he said softly. He then touched his lips to the back of her hand before releasing it.

Cosmos held that hand close to her heart as she leaned forward to place a kiss on her warrior's forehead. "Rest now," she whispered one final time as she pulled away. Her countenance serene, Cosmos left the Warrior of Light to sleep in contented peace.

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><p><strong>End thought:<strong> Can either of these characters be considered autonomous individuals, or does the nature of their creation predispose them to living their lives as they do?

**Endnote:** I am very much inclined to make a collection of short stories regarding the adventures of WoL and Cosmos that were alluded to in this story. Perhaps I will do so.


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